HER tears flow freely.

Ceri Christie’s daughter Franceska died more than three months ago.

Every day, Ceri misses her. Every day is another day since Ceri held Franceska in her arms and stroked her face.

Her only solace is Franceska was able to die with dignity, to die peacefully in her and her husband’s Alistair’s arms.

For this, she is eternally grateful to Little Havens Hospice.

When Franceska was born, it was touch and go if she would survive.

Ceri had an amniotic fluid embolism in which fluid, fetal cells, hair and other debris entered her blood stream. It can trigger lung and heart collapse.

Ceri had an emergency Caesarean as her immune system was failing. Franceska did not breathe for eight minutes.

They were both taken into the intensive care unit in Colchester General Hospital and were on ventilators for three days.

Both survived but Franceska was left with a catalogue of medical conditions including quadriplegic cerebral palsy and scoliosis, a curvature of the spine.

But Ceri and Alistair loved her, completely and unconditionally.

“There was an overwhelming love,” said Ceri, “as soon as I saw her. She was our life, our world. I never once thought ‘Why me, why us’.

“She was just Franceska to me. She made us better people. She changed our lives. We loved her.

“She could not talk but I knew what she was feeling. She would laugh and smile and I knew when she was in pain.”

The tears come again. Ceri’s grief is unrelenting.

Ceri knew Franceska’s life would be limited because of her medical problems but it does not in any way mitigate her loss.

Franceska was frequently admitted to hospital and about five years ago, her bowel could not cope.

She was in the intensive care unit at Great Ormond Street Hospital in London for three weeks.

Ceri was “given the talk” about whether Franceska would survive but again, her brave little girl proved the experts wrong.

When she recovered she was sent home but with end of life care. She was just 12-years-old.

Ceri said: “She was on ventilation every night to help her to breathe.

“I slept with her. I changed her colostomy bag and catheter. She had fluids through her Hickman line.”

Ceri cared for Franceska both day and night as she had from the moment she was born.

But there is not an ounce of bitterness or self pity in her, just a terrible sense of loss Franceska is no longer here, she can no longer help her.

Franceska’s condition deteriorated and two years ago she could not go in her wheelchair because it was simply too painful.

Family and friends came to Ceri and Alistair’s home in Alresford. It was always full and alive and Franceska was not left out.

But gradually her life was fading away.

Ceri said: “Before Christmas, Franceska’s stomach began to fail. We went into Colchester General Hospital on Boxing Day but there was no more they could do for her.

“The decision was taken to transfer her to Little Havens Hospice.”

Ceri and Alistair and their family already knew about the children’s hospice.

They had first been put in contact when Franceska was seven.

They admit they had preconceptions about it, expecting it to be sombre, grey and full of death.

“We were wrong,” said Ceri. “It was a happy place and Franceska loved it. She loved going in the pool when she could and loved music therapy.

“Everyone there is so welcoming and kind. They took care of all the medical stuff so we could just be mum and dad.”

Even when Franceska was in respite care, Ceri never left her.

Franceska spent the final month of her life at Little Havens Hospice. Ceri and Alistair were with her throughout.

“It was so precious to us. It was wonderful to be with her the whole time,” said Ceri.

“The way they cared for her and for us and our whole family was amazing.

“They gave her care and love and dignity.

“To watch your child die is the worst thing. Being there really helped. It gave us the sense we were in control.

“We could be with her and cuddle her and tell her it would be all right.

“We had cared for Franceska for 17 years but I don’t think I could have done the last month like they did.”

Finally, treatment was withdrawn completely.

“We expected her to die within a couple of hours,” said Ceri, “but she fought on for eight days.

“She was amazing. She fought so hard. It was wonderful to have those eight days with her.

“She died peacefully, beautifully. My greatest fear was she would die in hospital, she would die suddenly.

“She died in mine and Alistair’s arms. She took three little breaths and she went.”

Franceska, who was 17 when she died, was laid to rest in the children hospice’s bereavement suite.

It meant Ceri and Alistair could spend as much time as they needed with her as they came to terms with their loss.

Ceri said: “It was a really important time. She was not taken away from me.

“You don’t think you will have to plan your child’s funeral but the hospice were there to help.”

Ceri wanted to speak about her experience as part of Children’s Hospice Week which runs this week.

It aims to raise awareness of the work of hospices and hopefully to break down some of the misconceptions surrounding them.

Little Havens Hospice is based near Southend but cares for children who are life limited or at the end of their lives from across Essex.

It depends on donations to pay for its services.

Ceri said: “I feel privileged and lucky to have had the hospice.

“We will be eternally grateful for the time they gave us with Franceska.

“They really are angels without wings.”

Ceri struggles without Franceska. “It is awful,” she admits. “It is lonely. I have a wonderful family and friends but life feels so empty without her.

“I knew it was her time and I never wanted her to suffer but I miss her.”

Ceri and Alistair will continue to support the hospice.

Ceri’s father Mick is holding a fundraising event at Clacton Golf Club and Ceri will give money to the hospice every year instead of buying Franceska a birthday present.

They see their generosity as a small thank you for the kindness and support they received when they most needed it.

Franceska has gone now but her family’s love for her goes on.

  • Ceri is collecting raffle prizes for the golf day. To donate, email Ceri at ceri.christie@btinternet.com.